Happy 4th of July, American Hobos!
Would you expect a filler? That’s what you’re going to get, but what does the title mean? What is Squirt? An intro? Whaaaat? I’m going to show you what it means, and you’re going to see it a lot from this blog starting today.
So, you might be wondering, who is this ‘Squirt’ dude that’s mentioned in the title? And who is this in the italicized text? I’ll explain, frightened readers. It all started last the day of school last Summer, when I was walking to Katy Perry’s house with my dog, Zoom.
Landon – *walking* I can’t believe Ms. Plumtree gave me a D- on my final exam! I mean, I studied and everything.
Zoom – Sometimes when I didn’t study in puppy school, I got a better grade. You should’ve cared less.
Landon – *facepalms* It’s so obvious. Wait a minute! Even if I didn’t study, I wouldn’t get a grade higher than this. A D- is my best so far! :D
Zoom – Epic.
Landon – Okay, we reached her mansion.
Zoom – Whose mansion?
Landon – Katy Perry’s! :D
Zoom – She lets you in here?
Landon – Yeah, she’s my distant cousin. My mom said so when she went on Ancestry.com! :D *kicks open gates*
Katy Perry – *raking the leafs in front yard, notices idiot, blonde boy and his German Terrier* Who are you?
Landon – Your distant 3rd cousin according to Ancestry.com, Landon Storm. And this is my talking 2 year-old puppy, Zoom.
Katy Perry – Why’d you name him that?
Landon – Zoom..Mooz..Moostache. See, look at his goatee.
Katy Perry – *makes a puzzled look*
Landon – Oh bloody! Why does it only make sense to certain people! D:
Katy Perry – What do you want?
Landon – I want to play in your epic fountain! :D
Katy Perry – Go knock yourself out.
Landon – *strips off shirt and pants*
Zoom – *strips off collar*
Katy Perry – LITTLE BOY BOXERS! D:
Landon – Last one there’s a smelly plum! :D *dashes off*
Zoom – *tries to catch up* I am NOT a plum, sir! D:
We made a cannon bomb right into that fountain. No, we didn’t get our butts hurt. Surprisingly, it was pretty deep. But then, all of a sudden, a huge splash – that NONE of us caused – occured. No one was hurt, thank Buddha, but I noticed a blue glow in the water.
Landon – *picks up a bracelet with a blue-glowing, square S in the middle* This is pretty righteous!
Zoom – *grabs a collar* Whoa, mine’s a Z.
Landon – Whatever this is, I’m putting it on. *wraps bracelet around wrist, clicks it shut, a blue mist begins to swirl Landon*
Zoom – *puts on collar, click, a green mist begins to swirl around Zoom*
Katy Perry – *peeks behind bush* I didn’t expect this today! I thought it’d just be another innocent day raking leaves! D:
While the mist swirled around me, I felt leather being pressed on my arms, like I had personal ghost designers or something. It felt weird. When it was finally over, I was dressed like a superhero.
Landon – Whoa! I’m like a superhero! :D
Zoom – *mist disappears* Me too! :O
Landon – What does this mean?
Zoom – Wait, try to wave your arms all crazy.
Landon – Why?
Zoom – Just do it, just do it! :D
Landon – *waves arms crazily, long globs of water swirl around* Oh my golly! D:
Zoom – You see what this means?
Landon – No.
Zoom – Something wants us to save the world, like we’re the chosen ones.
Landon – With water?
Zoom – Katy, come out here!
Katy Perry – *shivering, approches* What?
Zoom – *whispers to Landon* Throw an air punch at Katy.
Landon – *throws at air punch at Katy, long glob of water appears out of fist and smacks Katy in the face*
Katy Perry – OUCH! WHAT THE – ?
Landon – What’d it feel like?
Katy Perry – It felt like rocks! D:<
Zoom – Yeaaaaaaaaauuhhhhhhhhh!
Katy Perry – That’s it! Some spooky shiz has been going on ever since you got here. I want you OUT!
Landon – Aunt Carolina won’t be to happy to hear about you kicking out your family at the reunion.
Katy Perry – *grunts* Fine, but don’t try to physically assault me anymore! I’m trying to rake these leaves!
Zoom – Are you going to practice for your first battle?
Landon – Oh yeah! I practice in a unique way too!
*at Landon’s house*
Landon – *on couch, taking a nap*
Zoom – *smacks Landon*
Landon – *wakes up, death stares Zoom* You know that I’d rather be licked awake than smacked.
Zoom – Too bad! We have to save innocent lives!
Landon – But there’s nothing to do!
Zoom – You’re right. *stares out the window*
Zoom spotted our first enemy: Volt, the pessimistic ice cream man. We rushed outside and I jumped into the air hoping I’d fly or something, but a huge wave of water let me ride on it instead. It pulled me in the air and I followed that baffoon.
*innocent kids running after ice cream truck*
Landon – *catches up with Volt* Hey, moron!
Volt – *turns to Landon, makes a smirk*
Landon – Your fly’s undone.
Volt – *gaspes, looks down*
Landon – *guides wave in front of Volt’s moving truck*
Volt – *truck crashes, flies out window into the air*
Zoom – *points at Volt and traps him in a bubble, kicks at Landon*
*in the park, basketball court*
Landon – *catches, starts to dribble, throws into the hoop*
*Volt gets tangled in net*
Zoom – *runs up to Landon, points* Hey, look!
*Zoom points at happy kids stealing candy out of the smashed ice cream truck*
Landon – I made them happy! :D
Little Girl – Hey, mister!
Landon – *looks around, stops and looks at LG* Who, me?
Little Girl – Yes, you! Are you a superhero?
Landon – Totally!
Little Girl – What do you call yourself?
LeBron James – ‘Ay, superhero dude. You got some moves on the court for a squirt.
Landon – *turns back to LG* My name is Squirt, and I’m the brand new 12 year-old protector of Concord, California – who is WAY cooler than Aquaman!
And that was my story of how Squirt came to be. It turned out to be a better day because I got my highest grade ever and I got to meet LeBron James – who likes to make fun of me for my height. Anyway, thanks for reading, guys and gals. I’ll share more of my adventures with you soon – when MT feels like it.